Pastor Pernid Ferner
Holy Beginnings
Pernid Ferner is a Holy Christian TV Evangelist at Big Jewish Media and Host of the internationally recognized worldwide TV ministry phenomenon of Blessed Souls Ministries (Deciphering Jesus and God).
Pernid was baptized in the spirit of the holy ghost when he was only 12 years old upon sitting on the toilet at Cowan's Cafe and demanding that god show him what the big deal was or else he wasn't going to get up off the pot, not ever. Well, as God works His wonders in mysterious ways, he was immediately saved on the spot, on the pot, and was cleansed of all his sins for all-time.
Flash of Grace
Upon him came a new dispensation, a new being of new flesh as all sins had been cast out and a fully-realized faith was in place for him to travel north, south, east, and west to preach the gospel and start saving sinners from demonic possessions and the unholy influences of the devil in all his clever, secret ways. As a result of his holy transformational experience, he felt the call of God on his life and attended the school of the holy ghost right there in downtown Duchesne, Utah, (population 1,037) back in the 70s during the Carter administration's gas crisis.
Higher Callings
Pernid, too, felt driven to answer to an even higher calling and began moving west -- first stopping in Salt Lake City in what became a failed attempt to convert the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) to real Christianity of what would eventually become the Pernid Ferner Doctrine of Blessed Souls Ministries for Deciphering Jesus and God. This has later been described as a Holy Miracle from On High and plans are in the works for a theme park celebrating this achievement.
After leaving the land of the enemy with nothing but faith in god and an unused bus ticket, Pernid ventured to Ventura because he heard of new opportunities in the land of the Liberal -- where seemingly endless opportunities lie for saving souls from the wicked one.
He went to California, and thus ended his ten year journey of wandering around and around and around in the wilderness and that immense salt lake full of what Pastor Pernid Ferner believes to be the dead remains of those sinners who lived in that land and had turned their back on God and Jesus and Pernid and were thus turned into pillars of salt that were rained upon and are now pooped upon by the seagulls that inhabit that now holy land, purged of the heathens in satan.
Hollywood + Sin = Destiny
Pernid eventually found his way to Hollywood with a few other televangelists smelling the hot stuff, um, opportunity to receive larger offerings than he had while ministering in small towns across America's holy land.
Pernid has always preached no matter what, and that's probably why he never got past a few initial TV pilots for other very different TV shows because regardless of the script, regardless of the type of show, somehow Pastor Pernid always found himself preaching the gospel and casting out devils.
And that's exactly what he does today on Blessed Souls Ministries, propelling his once tiny ministry into a global behemoth proudly serving a worldwide congregation of over 4-billion followers in Christ for whom Pernid is their steadfast and loyal leader.
Pernid is the originator of biblical cross-citation and bibliotechnics -- simply put, highly advanced methods for deciphering Jesus and God and the Holy Bible which Pernid synthesizes and simplifies live on the air for Blessed Souls Ministries.
WEEKLY SERVICES:
WEDNESDAY NIGHT: Circle of Sin -- bring your sins and enjoy the Pastor slapping you with the Bible to beat some biblical sense into while casting out demons! Fun for the whole family.
Friday Night (Fish Night!): Enjoy a nice glass of water, a non-acoholic beverage (no sin allowed!), a side salad and a simple dinner, and a fancy dessert -- better than you'd get anywhere else, and like our burger joint says, "It's Better Than Nothing!"
Saturday: Holy Fundraiser events! every Saturday we like to mix it up and do something different to keep it fresh, like the kids say on the street. Our recurring celebrity guest hostess, Katherine Damiana Milieu, loves to give her motivational speeches while doing her magnificent Olympic-style ice-skating jumps and signature dance moves on the trampoline while scooping out botato salad and flinging it at the audience. The Men folk from the beer garden tend to like this while the women folk are busy making quilts in the "Quilters Corner."
SUNDAY: This is the day the Lord has made! Come hear the Pastor of Blessed Souls Ministries raise the dead, cast out demons, give you a fresh word from God, and more. And don't forget to send in all your money because Jesus is coming to git ya!
If you're sick and tired of being sick and tired and could use a Good Word, then get off the pew and into following Pastor Pernid online on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Instagram, X (twitter), and YouTube.